It’s easy to fall in to being an enabler without realizing it but it’s such a disservice to the person you’re enabling. So it’s important to stay aware of how one “helps” someone so you’re able to realize when you’re doing it. Although I do think some people enable with an underlying purpose.
I’ll give you a for instance. My ex mother in law. I know she loved her son. I understood and was grateful for that fact. That was until I saw how she enabled him and what her enabling was doing to him. Every sticky situation he got himself into, she bailed him out. Anything he didn’t want to do, she did it. I do think she looked more out of what she got out of it rather than the effect it was having on him. Honestly, it was sad to watch.
It’s important for us to learn about consequences and obligations. It’s part of our maturing process. Learning those things allows us to make better decisions as we get older. If we enable or micro manage someone’s life then we are depriving them of learning, growing and maturing. So it’s important for us to step back from a situation once in a while and ask ourselves if what we’re doing is actually helping someone’s future.
What I find most amazing is that some enablers consistently make excuses for the person they are enabling, yet they consistently complain about the bad habits and decisions the subject of their enabling is making. Could that be due to some kind martyr complex? 🤔